


Dad Jokes

by captainunicornxoxo



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Attempt at Humor, BFFs, Domestic Fluff, Everyone Has Issues, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fluff, Haikyuu Captains, Kid Fic, Kid Tanaka, Light Angst, M/M, Mention of Death, Minor Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, My First Work in This Fandom, Single Parents, Soulmates, cus i love them, dads, friends - Freeform, kid nishinoya, kid shouyou, kid tobio, lots of divorce, teen asahi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:49:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27211495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainunicornxoxo/pseuds/captainunicornxoxo
Summary: The one where Oikawa finds out he has a son, a month before his wedding,Daichi and his son come out,kuroo finds his match right next door,and Bokuto meets his first love again.Ushijima, he's just here for the ride.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou & Oikawa Tooru & Sawamura Daichi & Ushijima Wakatoshi, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 10
Kudos: 70





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> what does a vegetarian zombie eat?  
> GRAAAAINSS!

**Oikawa**  
Oikawa decided to stop mourning. It had been a week afterall. They hadn't even been that close. They'd slept together once at a highschool graduation party. He didn't talk to her after that,moving to Argentina for training. Shizuka had never contacted him either. Then suddenly, he gets a call from his sister, that Shizuka died in a car accident. Before oikawa could sympathize, his siter is hissing at him to come home. "Me?" He stared at his phone. "Yes you! You have to take care of the kid!" "What kid? Why me?" A week after the funeral and other procedures, he's back in Tokyo with his 8 year old son he wasn't aware of. He stared at the kid passed out in his bed, tucked under blankets and hands tightly choking a soft toy of a crow. Oikawa wrinkled his nose at it.

Oikawa  
Let me join the single dads club you were talking bout

Bokuto teammate  
Hey hey hey  
Awesome!

Wait  
Wait! You have a kid!?

Oikawa  
Long story

**Kuroo**

Kuroo is pretty sure Lev looks more like Bokuto than him. And they are not even related. But it's not his fault that Lev took after his mother. He has never seen her actually. His brother never talked bout her much.

After Lev was born his mother returned to Russia and his brother joined the military. Lev was raised by Kuroo's parents until kuroo moved out after getting a job and took the kid with him. Lev hasn't ever met his mother and rarely gets to see his father. Over time he began calling tetsuroo dad and no one corrected him.

Kuroo ran a hand through his hair. It didn't help fix his messy bed head, just made it worse. Lev grinned at him as he mimicked him. Kuroo cracked a smile. "What wrong with your hair?" "It's like appa!" He pointed at his sliver fringe, that kinda looked his. Kuroo sighed. He knew lev was sick of the questions why he didn't look like his dad? was that really his dad? where's his mom? Kuroo was too, so he let the boy go. "We're late already." The elevator pinged it's arrival. " Can shoyo Come over?" "No." "Why not?" "Cus we're going over to his place." "Oh! Yay!!"

**Daichi**

"Sawamura" Daichi fixed the name plate on the door. He could hear Yuu talking inside, telling his grandma about the big windows, elevator ride up and the streets below. Daichi smiled. He stepped inside to find Yuu on the phone, tucked between his shoulder and ear as he searched a box. "what are you looking for? Volleyball?" Yuu shook his head. "Dad's here, I'll give the phone to him gran." He tossed the phone to his father. Daichi caught it before it split open on the floor. He spared his son a glare before talking. "How's the new place?" "It's great mum. I kinda love it already." "That's nice. Yuu seems to like it too." He could tell she was smiling. "Yes. I'm glad he does." There was rustling behind him. "I hope you have a fresh start there." Daichi hummed. He hoped too. he left Miyagi for that reason, to start over.

It had been 2 years since but he couldn't possibly live in that house anymore. It was filled with too much of her and lacked her. They had been an arranged marriage but Daichi supposed somewhere along the way he had fallen a bit in love with her. Or was it respect and admiration. He never got to find out because she was taken away too soon.

"Don't cook, order in." His mum reminded. "Ohkay." He replied. "Ahha!" Yuu ran past him, holding something in his hands. His mother sighed on the other side. "Looks like your dad is back. I'll call you boys later." "Alright. Thanks mum." He hung up and followed Yuu. "What's that?" He peered over his shoulder. Yuu was angling a photo on his bedside table. It was a family photo taken a year before her death. "Ah." Daichi smiled at it sadly. Yuu stared at him for a bit before hugging him, tightly wrapping his arms around his waist. He only came up to it. He was short like his mother."Whats that for?" "You looked lonely." Yuu mumbled into his stomach. Daichi chuckled. "I'm not. I'm not lonely or scared. I have you." Yu pulled back and looked up at him. "My guardian angle."

**Bokuto**

Bokuto watched shoyo sip his juice, content and occupied. "Is it good?" He asked his son. Shoyo beamed at him. Bokuto smiled, he was a sucker for the boy. "Bokuto-san." His make up artist tried to angle his chin. "Sorry." He mumbled unable to take his eyes off his son. Because of training,matches and other promotional activities that had started stacking up, Bokuto was always traveling and he hated leaving Shoyo alone with his parents or some sitter or nanny, so he took him along. But since shoyo started school, he hasn't been able to and has to stick to soaking his son up whenever he gets the chance. He paused his train of thoughts. "Hey shoyo!" The orange head looked him. He was such a splitting image of his mother with the rowdy hair and big eyes.

Yukie had handed him an envelope that morning before they arrived at the studio. "Divorce papers. And full child custody papers." Bokuto hadn't said a word, just taken them. They both eyes shoyo in the backseat playing on bokuto's phone. "Does he know?" "Bout what?" "That his mom cheated on you. That the man she took him to dine with was actually her new boyfriend." "No. He doesn't remember." "Doesn't remember? What happened?" Bokuto sighed. "She ordered some dish with shrimp. He had an allergic reaction, she freaked out and called me. I took him home,gave him meds and he slept it off. Doesn't remember much." Yukie slammed the brakes. "She doesn't know his allergies!?" Bokuto sighed. He wasn't supposed to be embarrassed but he was. He looked away, out of the window. "Doesn't matter. We've lived apart for years now since she moved to Germany for work. So she doesn't know him well but she's still his mom."

He tried to smile. "You wanna see mom?" Shoyo blinked at him and then shook his head. "No." "All done." The artist moved away gathering her supplies. Bokuto shifted. "No? If you want I can take you to see her or I'll tell her to come." "Nope." "Are you sure?" Shoyo looked up at him. "if mom doesn't want to see me I don't want to either. I don't need her. I have dad. And I'm happy with you. I love dad and I have dad. I don't need anyone else." Bokuto felt his eyes well up with tears. "shoyo!" He crocked before pulling his son into his arms, hugging him tightly.


	2. Did you hear about the restaurant in the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> is every chapter title going to be dad joke? you bet!

Kuroo stared at Oikawa unimpressed. Tonight was supposed to be Diachi's welcome party not Oikawa's sob party. "are you serious?" Daichi scrunched his thick brows together, genuine worry in his eyes. "Does Iwaizumi-San know?" Oikawa gulped his shot glass contents before shaking his head. "Oikawa quit it. You don't have to lie bout having a kid to hang with us. This isn't even single dad's association, this is daichi's welcome party. Stop hogging all the attention." He hissed. Daichi stopped him when Oikawa glared at him. "I'm not lying! Ask Bokuto." Bokuto arrived just then, balancing 4 tall glasses of beer in his hands. "Hey, hey, hey! No fighting. It's true. The kid is with shoyo now, Kai is baby sitting them." Kuroo blinked, surprised. "Did you hire a kid ac-" Daichi smacked his arm. Kuroo sighed. 

"how'd it happen?" "One night stand at my graduation party. We never spoke after that, I had no idea." Oikawa mumbled. "are you sure he's yours?" "Yeah, we tested." He reached for the beer pint before Daichi stops him. "I think you've had enough." Oikawa pouted but sat back. "He looks like him if you really look at him." Bokuto nods. "what's his name?" Daichi gently asks the new father. "Kageyama Tobio." Oikawa wrinkles his face after saying the name. Kuroo snorts at that. They sit in silence before Daichi sighs loudly. "I was almost happy for Oikawa here, new book in bestseller list again, getting married to the love of his life in a month and no kids in sight. Now you've had to join our club. Look at us, in our late 20s,one widowed, one playing single dad while your wife works in another city and one married to work, no love life and ruffians for kids." Bokuto hummed. "Who would have thought we'd end up like this?" 

"divorced." Bokuto corrected. "divorced?" all three of them looked at him, eyes wide. Bokuto chuckled bitterly. "I thought we were fine. I thought she and I were a good couple, loving partners supporting each other but turns out distance does not maketh the heart grow fonder."  
He never hid anything from Kuroo, and Daichi was practically their dad and Oikawa had well, grown on him. So he told them bout her surprise visit only to want to break it off. Bokuto could understand, he was never leaving japan and she didn't want to leave her job. They had agreed to Shoyo being raised in Japan, she had wanted that. Bokuto understood, but that didn't help him drifting to emo mood. Kiko took Shoyo to dinner while he had to attend a meeting. His mood ruined the meeting and he left early only to receive a call from Kiko bout Shoyou having a allergic reaction to something he ate. It was Kaori who had called the restaurant to ask what it was he had eaten. The flustered waiter had told them, he had asked if the kid was allergic to shrimp and that the dad had denied. It took kaori a few seconds to realize what had happened. Oikawa gasped. "no, she didn't!" Bokuto nodded. The very next day, they had filed for divorce.  
Kuroo squeezed his shoulder. "why didn't you tell me sooner?" "shit happened. I'm yet to get the papers though." "I'm sorry man." Bokuto pouted.  
"whatever! You still have chibi-chan!" "YAS! my tangerine!" Bokuto lit up. "and you're still the national ace!" "YES!" they cheered. "And you have us! always!" Kuroo grinned. "yes!" they raised their glasses to that. 

"isn't it ironic how Shoyou looks like a shrimp but is allergic to them?" 

"I have to tell him, don't I?" Oikawa knows the answer before Daichi answers. "You have to. Do it in person. Do not, repeat after me Tooru, do not text him. He'll get worried." "Do not text him." Oikawa repeated. Oikawa rested his head on Bokuto's shoulder who was asleep on Kuroo's shoulder. "You could have brought Yuu over to Bokuto's. We could have had a sleepover at his then, with the kids." Kuroo poked poked daichii's shoulder from the back. 4 grown ass man can't sit in the back so daichii had offered to sit near the driver. Daichi hummed, liking the idea. "Next time? We can relive our training camp memories." Kuroo and he chuckled. "Where's he now?" " This neighbour kid is in highschool, he offered to babysit for a while. His parents were going out too." Kuroo hummed along to the song on the radio, looking out as he revisited old memories. "Hey where's Suga?" He knew Daichi was smiling. "He's here, teaching at Fukurodani." "Is he still single?" Kuroo smirked at the back of Daichi's seat. " Why are you asking?" "Well, I'm single. And I have a kid and Suga is single and likes kids?" "You're not his type." Daichi looked away. Kuroo grinned. "Oh you-" "kuroo, don't." Daichi warned. "Come on daichi! You and I both know-" "you and him and I!" Oikawa sang, waking up. "We all know!" Kuroo insisted. "We're here." Daichi's tone left no space for the conversation to continue. "Get out." Kuroo sighed before shaking bokuto awake. Oikawa stepped out, wobbly on his feet as Kuroo pulled a sleepy Bokuto out. "Hey Daichi, welcome." Kuroo smiled, he waved Bokuto's arm for him. Oikawa joined, holding up finger hearts. Daichi smiled back. "Thanks. And oikawa welcome to fatherhood." Daichi waved a peace sign as he drove off.

To: Iwachan <3  
I have a child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is bokuto's divorce inspired by Hospital playlist? yes  
> Because if i were to ever write a hospital playlist au for haikyuu, the captains would the 5 bestfriends and ik jun would be Bokuto(or Kuroo?)  
> Daichii would be song hwa, Oikawa would be Jung-won, Kuroo would be Joon-wan and ushijima would be Seok-hyung XD  
> And you haven't seen hospital playlist, please do! 
> 
> ushijima next chapter maybe?


	3. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!"

Oikawa ignored his headache as he searched the cupboards for food. Iwazumi had left a few days ago, while he had still been in Miyagi. Which would explain why the kitchen was empty because Iwazumi was the one who went shopping. Oikawa frowned as he pulled out a box of cereal.

"Hope you're okay with cereal and milk, that's all I have for now."

He turned to find the boy staring at him. "What?" He asked slightly peeved by the stare. " I like milk." Tobio said. "perfect." Oikawa rolled his eyes.

He stored the information in his head and added 'more milk' to the list of things he had to buy. He poured some into Tobio's bowl and lifted the carton of milk to pour over it. He caught Tobio gaze and raised an eyebrow.

Tobio pointed at the bowl, "Isn't it milk first?"

Oikawa frowned. "No, god no." He poured the milk into the bowl, moving his hand to drizzle it.

"Kaa-san always poured milk first." Tobio mumbled.

Oikawa paused, milk still pouring out. _shit_ , he thought. now he'd gone and done it. They had been careful to avoid talking bout his mother,if he knew about oikawa, if so, how. Did he know why Oikawa wasn't there before, did he know Oikawa was gay and about to get married to his best friend in a month.

"Does this taste better?" Tobio asked, seemingly unaffected by Oikawa's thoughts.

Oikawa blinked, coming back to reality. "uh yes. Iwa-chan says that's the way you should eat it."

He wasn't much of a cereal guy anyway, he preferred smoothies in the morning. Iwaizumi made a bowl of cereal, with fruit slices and raisins and all the works. He capped the carton and put it away to grab a spoon for Tobio to eat with.

"Iwa-chan?" Tobio asked, blinking his too blue eyes. "yes." Oikawa nodded. "Iwa-chan. You'll meet him soon."

He contemplated asking Tobio all the questions that plagued him at night. He thought he could do it after he talked to Iwaizumi, but it was better to be equipped with the answers before he had to face Iwaizumi. The text from two nights ago, had already been dealt with by Daichi who had texted Iwaizumi on his way home that after having hung with them all night, oikawa wanted kids as well. He would mostly likely text something about it. Because of which Iwaizumi had simply sent a rolling eyes emoji and told him they would think about it later, when Oikawa wasn't shitfaced. He nodded to himself and leaned on the counter, resting his chin on his fist. "before you do, we gotta chat a bit."

\----

Kuroo didn't normally take the elevator when he went for his morning jog. But it wasn't any regular morning. It was a morning where there was a boy or rather a man, nay, an angel outside. waiting for the elevator, he stood dressed in joggers, drowning in a sweatshirt with his hair pulled in a bun, blonde strands spilling out, catching the sunlight and glowing. Kuroo stared for long before the elevator dinged and the boy moved. Kuroo jump started, skidding across the floor to catch the elevator doors before they shut. He stumble din, but the boy didn't seem to be startled or bothered. His eyes stay glued to his phone. _A tsundere_? Kuroo halted the thoughts. He hadn't even seen the boy's face for a whole minute and here he was conjuring up scenarios. Kuroo stood taller than him and could get away with peeking at him.

who is he? someone's one night stand? But Kuroo was the only single guy on his floor. There was an old lady, an empty house and a nuclear family on his floor. Kuroo hoped, the handsome starnger wasn't anyone's one night stand, for their sake. The empty house, he probably had moved in. god, he hoped he was a new tenant. Kuroo cleared his throat to speak but the elevator had already reached the ground floor and the boy was moving out. Kuroo followed him, thinking of ways to strike up a conversation. They walked out of the building complex into the street. Kuroo tunred in the same direction as the boy. His jogging path was the same way okay. Kuroo almost stopped, what was he thinking following some pretty boy like he was in highschool. But then the boy before him shook his head, tucking some strands of hair behind his ear, revealing piercings and Kuroo stopped thinking. So Kuroo had a type and this boy was quickly checking all the boxes. Was this a sign from the universe, straight out of movies. His heart rate picked up and stomach felt butterflies rise. He hadn't felt this way in a long time, maybe years. This had to be straight out of a movie or book. Did this even qualify as a crush? He raised a hand to tap on the boy's shoulder, when he heard it. An almost shrill call of " _Otosan_!" he was very familiar with. He looked up and found Lev staring at him, head poking out of the window. Didn't he close that window? and why was Lev even up at 5?

"I can't untie my pajamas's drawstrings! I need to pee!" There was the answer. Kuroo stared at him for a bit before he burst out laughing when Lev shifted on his feet. "I'm coming, hold still."

He turned but found the boy from before staring at him. And there was a look on his face and Kuroo felt like he was drowned by a bucket of water. All previous feelings washed away with it. They boy averted his eyes and continued walking. And Kuroo knew why he hadn't felt this way in years. since he'd brought Lev home, he had grown to love different set of emotions. And learnt to recognize looks like that. He shook his head and walked back in. He must have been crazy, walking behind that boy like that, forgetting he was not just Kuroo. He was a single father, making it on his own. He couldn't afford love stories like this even though for a second there it had seemed like he'd met his match. He stepped out on his floor, heading for his house. He'd just think of it as dream and skip workout today, having worked up a sweat from before. He had Lev, who he had to get out of his pants before he let it out on the carpet or bathroom floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear Kenma isn't bad. 
> 
> Daichi and Bokuto next. Maybe ushijima too.

**Author's Note:**

> Haikyuu captains are my favorite boys in the world


End file.
